Evil world dominator

January 26, 2009 · Filed under Uncategorized · Tagged Bond, cat, Cems, church, Congo, dominator, Dr. No, Evil, friends, hello how are you?, henchman, I, James Bond, me again, presidency, satan, world, you

Blondie Bond. The strange adopted member of the Bond family.

After popular demand, I shall now tell you about my future career. If you are smart, you have already figured out what that is, if not, you shouldn’t be reading any further, this is complicated stuff.

Have you ever watched a James Bond film? And by James Bond, I mean any James Bond movie not containing Daniel Craig. Just look at him. That’s not James Bond, That’s James Blond. And he is doing something weird with his mouth. Not manly. Not at all. And James Bond is supposed to be not just a man, but a macho macho man.

My evil brother tricked me into watching Casino Royale and it still hunts my scarred soul. I may have misunderstood, but the way I saw it, Bond was suddenly the bad guy. He was mean and psychotic, had no sense of humor, and he did not end the movie in a tasteful display of love with the sexy female actress. That was just not how I imagined it to be. Besides from the fact that a blond was Bond, I was actually looking forwards to this film, thinking it may be a more serious one than the other Casino Royale they made, a completely silly, ridiculous movie, but entertaining movie. But no. They have broken away from practically all the traditions, and instead made it into a “cool, hip, dramatic action movie”. Quantum of Solace shall never violate my mind. I hate you all.

Dr.Nooooo

Cool man, cool cat

And now for something a tiny bit different. What? What might you ask is my reasons for such marvelous aspirations? The answer is simple. James Bond. As a young one, I used to watch a James Bond movie every Sunday, and as most people, I was very easily influenced as a child. That henchman with the steel-something teeth scared me. A lot. The sharks were simply put awesome. And I admired the power, and the coldness the super evil villains showed. But there were two, two that really had an impact on me. Dr. No, and Ernst Stavro Blofeld. But most of all, Blofeld. It was the cat, that fluffy white chubby Persian cat. Evil in its purest form. But, however interesting I find it, it is not the cat I desire.

Cool cat. Mew.

The cat, along with that evil henchmanwoman, is for me the most important things on the road to becoming an evil genius. Luckily for me, I have both things all figured out. The cat is a Siamese, like the one in the picture. Only with shorter fur and an imperfect tail. I shall name it Cems. My evil henchwomansecretarypersonal geniusmotivatortea makerhell, everything I can think of, is my good friend Isabel. You may find her at: http://scandinavianfreak.blogspot.com/

We shall have our own theme song, religion, currency, to put it shortly; we shall rebuild the world in our own image. All with a little help from our friends of course. Congo has already been promised away to another good friend, Rebecca, the proud ruler of http://banandivan.blogspot.com/ and the soon to be ruler of Congo. Presidency for everyone!

There are still many job openings, so, if you feel that you have something to contribute with, and there is something you feel that you want, don’t hesitate to take contact. If however you don’t have anything to contribute with, but really want something, you might want to contact Satan. He may be reached at midnight in a road cross, or at your local Satanist church. He will make sure that your wish comes true, all at the small cost of your soul (taxes and transport not included).

That’s all folks’